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Novermber 4, 2001 -- When it comes to picking up women, comedian Gary Welz uses a strategy that shows he means business - literally.

"Apply the science of marketing and develop your personal brands," he recommends.

"Whatever kind of relationship you have, that relationship involves transactions. In other words, buying and selling. And that's exactly what marketing can tell us about!"

But the 48-year-old Welz doesn't just dole out these tips to friends. He's written a play based on them.

After an initial run early last month "The Naked Happy Hour" returns November 12 to the Lower East Side's Collective Unconscious Theater. She show is based upon Welz's humiliating experience of trying to pick up a blonde at a bar, only to be greeted with, "Who are you?"

"For a few days, I felt hurt and embarrassed," said Welz. "And then I began to laugh at myself: 'This is kind of funny. How could I really answer that question in a funny way?'"

While it's a lively show, there's no nudity in "Naked." The show deals with "the prospect of getting naked with someone," says Welz, who plays the founder of a service aimed at helping people find dates.

Dressed in a business suit, Welz tells the male members of the audience: "Here are a few things to remember. I call them the five P's: punctuality, personality, poise, paying attention and paying for everything."

"I thought the show was a biting commentary on the New York singles scene, which I suffered through," said Ariel Zeitlin Cook, who saw the show last month. "And now I can laugh at it because I am married."

Welz was involved in theater years ago but look a lucrative job as a senior business consultant for EMC Corp., a data-storage hardware company during the Internet boom.

Laid off in July, Welz returned to his initial love. Now he's hoping "Happy Hour" can lead him in new directions.

"Maybe I can have a career in show business - now I don't have anything to lose," he said.

By JOSLYN YANG GETTING 'NAKED' AND THE ART OF MARKETING

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